Has this happened to you?
Everything is going great. You know you are appreciated. You are making a difference in the world.
Some random act from someone else (that you may or may not even care about) feels like rejection and spins you into the world of self-doubt.
Recently, I was thrilled with the unsolicited positive feedback I was receiving about my work. New clients, classes and opportunities were springing up– all the hard work and passion was paying off — it felt so refreshing!
Then, one organization I taught for 8 years but stopped because of the Pandemic — told me they have no classes for me.
I don’t even think I want to work at this place — I found the members to be great and I learned a lot — but the corporate culture felt soul crushing. I always felt it would be time to let go and this was the time. And, I had so many more opportunities that were more in alignment with my values and the work I want to do in the world. I knew a door was closing for a window to open. I believe in this.
Yet, when it was their idea for me not to continue – my mind focussed on the negative.
I began to think things like “I wasn’t good enough for them.” “Could I have been better somehow?” “Did I do or say something that made them turn on me?”
Of course not! It was because of the Pandemic and honestly I knew it wasn’t a good fit for me. Yet, I couldn’t help being so critical and unsupportive to myself!
Can you relate?
It’s no secret that we are our own worst critics. We speak to ourselves in a way that we would never speak to another person, let alone a friend.
Go to a mirror and look at your reflection. What comes to mind?
If you are like most women, it isn’t kind. When I ask my clients this question, I hear things like, “My thighs are huge.” “I hate my wrinkles.” “I’m getting so old.” “I’m so fat!” Just to mention a few.
Mean, snarky comments!? A snarky jab?
Let’s agree to stop that right now!
Instead, practice standing up for yourself by fighting back against toxic thoughts. Try a compliment:
“My thighs do a great job of getting me through life. They’re strong and capable of carrying me to where I want to go.” Honestly, I look pretty great and I’m proud of the person I have become.”
When we talk negatively to ourselves we no longer nourish our mind, body and soul.
“Thoughts are powerful. They shape our choices. They also shape our neurobiology – the inner circuitry that influences our weight, immunity, adrenal function, energy, food cravings, sleep, mood, mental focus, and numerous other influences on your health. How do they do this? Each time you have a negative thought your body releases various stress hormones and immunologic chemicals that impact your well-being. On the other hand, pleasant, confident, empowered, and joyous thoughts put us into a good place hormonally and immunologically.” Dr. Aviva Romm.
You know how ants create chaos at a picnic. Well, most of us have ANTs in our brains – that is, Automatic Negative Thoughts. Ok, an ANT or a few never ruined a picnic. But in the masses they do, think about putting your chocolate cake near an anthill!
ANT “colonies” create a condition many of us are familiar with – ANXIETY! They hold a mental vice grip around our clarity and creativity. ANTs can hold us back from opportunities, trying new things, and can prevent us from finding joy and trusting in the goodness of the things that happen in our lives.
There is a doable and transformational process that lessens these ANTs and puts them to rest. In my health and wellness practice, I’ve created numerous to tools and ways to overcome ANTs.
Reach out here and let’s talk if you want to learn how to never again allow ANTs to spoil your picnic, day and/or the precious moments of your life.